Jinjer's blog

Two Spirits for Everyone

Jinjer — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 16:18:54 +0000

What makes us unique?

What makes us the same?

I just read part of a thesis (which was inspired by Zuni two spiritedness) by a transgender man about his life journey to becoming who he truly is.

Zuni Two-Spirits: We'Wha

As I was reading I realized that many of us experience similar feelings of being out of step with the world we find ourselves in (though seldom so extreme). We are intellectual in a world that values physicality (and team sports). We are athletes growing up in a collegiate micro-society. We are extroverts in a quiet family or introverts in a culture of conviviality. We are blond giants in Louisiana or raven-haired dolls in Minnesota. We are gay (or transgender) in Kansas (or Texas, or…) or straight in San Francisco. We are artists in a family of doctors and lawyers.

There are no two of us exactly alike. Even identical twins are only very similar. It is not possible to fit in perfectly, to meet everyone’s expectations, to be like everyone else.

We spend much of our lives trying to match the world’s perceived stride only to find our attempts always fail. Some of us, like my transgender friend, figure out that there is no percentage in it, and relax into being who we really are—or at least come to peace with. Some of us never do. Others become militant about their difference.

The magic of relaxing into our true selves (owning blond giant-hood or introversion) is we that we can begin to live in a kinder world. Perhaps not immediately. There can be some major fallout from announcing to our nearest and dearest that we don’t really enjoy monster trucks or that Islam makes more sense to us than Christianity.

And there is a subtler way of being on the outside looking in. We perceive in ourselves some short-coming that we strive to hide from the world. It weighs on us and then, when we pluck up the courage to confess to this egregious fault (one I had is that my hair isn’t thick enough, or curly enough) those to whom we bare our souls cock their heads and furrow their brows as though we were speaking Martian, or, worse, they laugh and say something like, “but I’ve always wished I had hair like yours!”

It is true that sometimes living ourselves out loud can put our very lives in jeopardy. Sometimes, it’s worth the consequences. Sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes the outcome we foresee never happens. And sometimes, keeping our true selves under wraps can have consequences as devastating as anything the Nazis dished out to Jews, or intellectuals, or Gypsies, or gays.

Creative people take jobs in insurance and when their children get old enough to start choosing their careers they look on jealously as Jenny gets an acting gig or Simon starts a band. They badger them to have careers to fall back on when, in this day and age, no job is secure.

The truth is, there is no genuinely easy path through life. Even trust fund babies face challenges. That being the case, why struggle to be something you don’t want to be and couldn’t ever be really good at anyway? If I am going to face challenges, let them be challenges that allow me to be fully and completely who I really am rather than who I think someone else thinks I should be.

We are the same in terms of body plan and physical survival needs. We all enjoy subtle differences in size, shape, texture and coloration. Sometimes the basic plan is compromised, which gives us unique challenges in terms of meeting our survival needs and engaging with the world around us and with society.

We are the same in that we all think and feel, perceive and act. We are different in how our subtle inner differences affect how we do those things. As with our bodies, sometimes the equipment with which we do those things is compromised (or the individual differences are extreme), which offers us unique challenges in accomplishing thought, feeling, perception and taking action. Yes. There is pain along the way and deep anxiety.

If we didn’t differ, one from another, there would be no art, or science, or innovation. If we were not similar any of those things that happened along would be blips in the timeline and not a steady building and evolution of culture.

Yes, people too different from me can be irritating. They can also be fascinating. Our differences can spark ideas that contribute to the common good. If there were only people I felt comfortable with in the world, eating would be much less pleasurable, as would wearing clothes. Injuries would mostly mean death instead of a few weeks or months of inconvenience.

Each of us has a journey to make through life. It will hold challenges that force us to make choices, to explore our own inner makeup, and to act in the world in ways that are either in harmony with our unique makeup or that attempt to subvert that makeup. I love what happens when the outcomes are in harmony with each person’s uniqueness even when I don’t like that person. Somehow it all comes together to make this most intriguing of worlds.

The Kindness of Strangers

Jinjer — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 21:18:43 +0000

The Doc says surgery provides no better outcome than wearing a sling. This separated shoulder thing is forcing creativity into living. It’s also forcing me to accept help in ways I’ve never been willing to before. My roommate puts lotion on my back. My co-workers took up the slack when I missed work last week. The hairdresser understood the nature of my need when I went in to get my hair cut on Saturday (long hair and a shoulder sling are NOT a good combination). The state is stepping up to help with medical expenses.

And the concern and love I’ve been receiving from my students is humbling.

This too, is yoga. Accepting the kindness of friends and strangers. The yoga of humanity.

The New Me

A New Experience

Jinjer — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 02:10:17 +0000

The yoga of a separated shoulder.

Initiated by a fall in the tub the three graceful curves that come together in delicate (but strong) balance have been released from their habitual relationship and I cannot do any yoga that requires physical symmetry. I must cultivate balance by using my mind to imagine the symmetry. Surprising how much more challenging that is when one must do it — not just talk about it.

I am reminded of the mental strength of the woman with one missing leg who transformed her body through yoga. She believed me when I encouraged her to imagine her body feeling on her legless side exactly the same as on her fully legged side. Her concentration was inspiring and proved the theory for me.

Now, I must internalize that lesson.

An Unwitting Invitation to Rodents

Jinjer — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 19:21:24 +0000

It’s happened twice now.

I’ve had this novel for kids on the back burner for a long time. It’s about a girl who sees things that others cannot, and how she learns to live in a world where her perceptions are despised. A couple of the characters who help her are mice: a grasshopper mouse and a house mouse. The house mouse lives in a human house and the grasshopper mouse visits him there.

A few years ago I was sitting at my computer in the basement working on one of the chapters near the end when I felt something on my lower leg. I was going to swipe at it unconsciously but I stopped my hand mid-motion and looked instead. There was an intrepid little brown and white mouse clinging to my pantleg. Not a grasshopper mouse, it was a deer mouse, but still!

I stood straight up and shook my leg. The mouse went flying and I high-tailed it to the stairs. Within hours we had a humane trap set up. Before we got to the top of the stairs we heard its little door slam shut, and we released the little guy down by the creek.

I went back to work on the book and not too much later we discovered another mouse was nesting in our couch and running around the house at night, climbing on pantry shelves, nibbling on pasta boxes, and rummaging through my winter clothes.

We sealed all possible holes that a mouse could get through, but he was ignoring our humane traps. We sadly purchased traps that kill, and shortly after they were set up, a snap! in the kitchen made us jump. We’d given him a choice and he’d made one.

I set the novel aside to allow my subconscious to continue to work, but weeks turned into years. An accomplished playwright friend cast an eye over it and gave me good advice that I had trouble turning into action. A couple of years later another friend asked for some kind of writing to practice his new copy-editing skills on. When it got down to the wire, I offered this book to him. He took it and worked hard on it. He made some very useful comments and suggestions, and I was inspired to get back to work on it.

Here’s the kicker. Friday I was working on one of the final chapters, feeling good about being so near the end. That night, I was just about to turn off my light when I glanced over at my chest of drawers to see a rat burrowing into a cubby full of clothes. It took both my roommate and me to get him out of there and chase him into the basement (he had come up through the seldom-used toilet down there).

I hope he went out the way he came in. To prevent his relatives from popping in to visit we made sure there was water in the toilet bowl and weighted the lid down with a gallon of paint. We used duct tape to be sure the crack beneath the basement door was well and truly blocked, and on Saturday we bought and baited a trap.

The reason I am hopeful that he went out before we got the toilet blocked off is because the trap was not sprung during the night, and we have heard no suspicious scrabblings.

Way back when the first invasion happened I wondered if there was a connection between what I was writing and what happened. Is it only coincidence that so similar an event happened at so similar a time?

Just to be safe, I’ll be writing at coffee shops until this book is finished!

Getting the History of Yoga Right

Jinjer — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 05:26:12 +0000

It’s so easy to take things out of context! Getting the History of Yoga Right in the New York Times. ~ Jason Birch | . . . → Read More: Getting the History of Yoga Right

I always suspected this

Jinjer — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 23:37:40 +0000

Article about the pleasures of hot yoga!

Yoga Mat for sale. . . . → Read More: I always suspected this

How an African Chief Uses Twitter to Keep the Peace

Jinjer — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 19:22:44 +0000

How an African Chief Uses Twitter to Keep the Peace.

I am blown away by how our world is morphing in front of our eyes and the miracles . . . → Read More: How an African Chief Uses Twitter to Keep the Peace

Is It Always Better to Give Than Receive?

Jinjer — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:56:01 +0000

This article from the Huffington post got me thinking about my own relationship with giving. Somehow, growing up, I got the understanding that one must give to others even if it meant undercutting one’s own well-being. My understanding of how to be a “good” person was that if someone else needed money and I only had enough to pay for my own needs it was nonetheless my obligation to give that other person what they needed and I should go hungry myself. My duty was to give and give whether I had the resources to do that or not.

It was my duty to always set up the chairs and put them away, to always wash the dishes and sweep the floor and make sure that other people were served.

And for the longest time I strived to live up to that ideal — all the while feeling weaker and emptier myself.

Just saying that brings back the overwhelming feelings of not deserving a place on the planet myself and of never being good enough. I don’t believe that those who brought me up intended that. Perhaps it was a conundrum I wanted to explore when I was planning this life before I was born.

While I was living that way I certainly never felt the joy in giving that I was supposed to feel.

Then I began my “Authenticity Project” (didn’t call it that at the time) and I vowed to uncover my authentic self and begin to act and speak from that authentic core. I stopped being the one to set up the chairs, etc. I started sharing my self through teaching yoga and telling the truth about myself and my beliefs. All things I never thought anyone would want from me.

I didn’t do it without help and support, but I did do it and I began to have friends who love me for who I am. I have students who have been with me for more than a decade. Some people claim I am loving and giving. If I am, it is nothing like the giving I did before. I give what I have to give, not what I ought to give. I support those who are doing things I believe are important and I no longer respond to emotional blackmail.

If I am generous now, it is generosity that does indeed make me happy. I am not equipped to go to Haiti to build houses. I am equipped to teach yoga and to laugh.

The Final Four — Limbs of Yoga

Jinjer — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:08:19 +0000

I think of the first four limbs of yoga as setting the stage for a meditation practice. The yamas and the niyamas clear away distractions and encourage discipline which lead to mental and emotional health. Pranayama and asana bring the body and spirit into harmony. A natural outgrowth of the four of them together is increased physical health and well-being.

These final four limbs are a road map toward union with the divine, but each of these limbs alone provides benefits and practicing them can provide the benefits of meditation.

Pratyahara

Pratyahara is “removing the tentacles of consciousness from the world.” We detach our attention from the world outside of us and let go of our thoughts about these externals. By concentrating on your breath to the exclusion of all else you have already begun the practice of pratyahara. If you’ve ever become so totally absorbed in a task or project that you lost all track of time or consciousness of activity happening around you, you’ve experienced something very like Pratyahara. Pratyahara is a vital step toward disentangling yourself from the world of illusion and a bridge to meditation in the final three limbs of yoga.

Dharana

In dharana we reach out to the divine with the tentacles just removed from the world. We concentrate all of our attention on the infinite. If you don’t understand what it means to reach out in this way, try using the word AUM (or OM) as a focus of concentration. AUM stands for the Creator who transcends the limitations of time (A: the beginning, U: the middle, M: completion).

Dhyana

With Dhyana the effort involved in focusing our consciousness dissolves and we are conscious only of our own existence and the existence of the object of meditation. This state is often described as “bliss” and it is not something we can just choose to “do.” It comes unbidden when we are “doing” other things like pranayama, pratyahara or dharana.

Samadhi

Contact with God is the goal of all eight limbs of yoga and the state of union with God is Samadhi. It is the final step in meditation where the consciousness of being separate from the divine dissolves. One need not be Hindu or practicing yoga to experience samadhi. We can be transported into union with the divine without seeking it. It comes to us most often in nature when we are awed by the mountains, the sea or the opening of a flower.

The Value of Meditation

Meditators experience less stress and fewer of the health problems associated with it. Meditation helps us respond to events in our lives in healthier manner and to enjoy life more, because we are more present in the moment. A less known benefit of meditation is that the calm is catching. Business meetings become more productive and family disagreements less volatile. A study in India (mentioned by Deepak Chopra in one of his books) showed that if just one percent of the populations meditates, violence in that area decreases significantly.

I hope these columns about the eight-fold path (or the eight limbs of yoga) have made the concepts more accessible and useful to you.

Namaste (the spirit in me salutes the spirit in you).

What Get’s Us Into Yoga: Asana & Pranayama

Jinjer — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:07:31 +0000

These are the two limbs of yoga that the West attributes the most value to. They tend to forget that in yogic tradition spiritual study leads to the physical and study of the physical side leads to the spiritual!

Asana

We in the West tend to practice the asanas, or postures/exercises for purely physical reasons. We want to become stronger, more flexible, healthier and stay physically young. The postures help our bodies move through life more easily. I have seen my own students grow younger by practicing yoga. There are plenty of physical disciplines that provide some (though seldom all) of the same physical benefits. But asana, practiced with spiritual intent, brings the mind to the present moment and a fine awareness of the interplay of mind and body. It reveals to us the way mind and body interact with spirit. Asana grounds us in the here and now as a kind of mindfulness meditation.

Pranayama

The word prana in Sanskrit means both breath and spirit. In English, the word respiration comes from the same root as the word spirit. In some ways yogic tradition sees the two as literally the same. Ayama means control therefore Pranayama is breath control, and it leads to greater awareness of spirit. B. K. S. Iyengar describes pranayama as “the hub around which the wheel of life revolves.” Cultivation of breath control, even just bringing attention to the breath, is a useful first step toward a meditation practice. Refer to the first Bringing Yoga Home column on the Edge: Soul of the Cities website for help in learning to breathe well.